I have got WINDOOOOOOOWWWSS!"

A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains. He shows her several patterns, but the blond seems to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blond promptly replies, "fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

The blond tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor. The surprised salesman replies, "but Miss, computers do not need curtains!"

The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo ... I've got WINDOOOOOOOWWWSS!"

One for the weekend..

TGIF!!

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “ When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.

When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, “take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say “ Eat me..

The Virgin Mary is not called “ Mary with the Cherry,.

The recommended grace before a meal is not:..Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.....

Stress, Tension and Panic

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress: is when wife is pregnant, Tension: is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic: is when both are pregnant.

Corporate Lessons - 1

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is :
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Different approaches to online marketing

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

Perhaps, it is the same with internet and online marketing... If you are going to sit and wait for customers to visit your site, and buy products, then you better have a benevolent lord..

Alternately, if you go out and search the marketplace, steal some ideas and analyse these strategies so as to include the products your market and finally re-strategise and if possible bribe the buyers..... marketing would be a lot easier !

Ofcourse, don't forget to confess each Sunday...

Very soon, you will be offering the priest a share as well !

Cheap Broadband Or Internet Provider In The UK

If you are looking for a cheap broadband or a broadband internet provider in the UK, then Broadband Suppliers - UK is for you. They got a very simple, easy to read and understand guide to compare broadband prices and also the latest Broadband ISP Offers apart from finding the best broadband supplier to suit your needs and budget.

You get to compare over a range of UK broadband packages and can find the best deal to fit your internet needs. You can also check your postcode and telephone number to determine broadband availability and then find the package details and prices of the broadband providers that operate in your area. You can also find high-speed broadband and also can compare and find cheap broad band deals on a wide range of service providers and you can also read consumer reviews and find the best offer to suit your needs.

The nice thing about Broadband UK is that they have comparison tables and info, not only on broadband, but also on ADSL Broadband and the odd AOL Broadband and other broadband suppliers.

For those who do not have time to shop around, then you can just choose the best of what their supplier of the month has to offer from the many options and different plans available. A broadband supplier comparison table given on the first page which contains the most popular deals available in the UK. The providers are listed in the order of popularity and value for money.

In short it is a great value package and choosing the best broadband offer has never been so easy.

The affiliate mentality

Two affiliates met and were talking at Affiliate Summit.

'Guess what,' says the first affiliate, 'I met this gorgeous blonde at the last Affiliate Summit.. and she was single too.. 'What did you do ?' says the other affiliate.

'Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off !' ..... 'You’re kidding me!' says the second affiliate.

'Nope' says affiliate one. 'I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her up and put her on my desk, next to my new laptop.'

'Really?' asked the affiliate. 'You got a new laptop?'

Eeeeeeeesh ...... This is the reason why most of us are single ... no focus !

Now what do online advertisers and crack users have in common? Both are locked in a disastrous end game, a downward spiral leading to certain doom according to Bryan and Jeffrey Eisenberg from Future Now.

Most of us are addicts when it comes into this field and I know a lot more guys in the same mould. We share the same symptoms of always getting a 'high' when making a big sale and before you know, you are already addicted to rankings and traffic. Normal people get a thrill, to put it mildly from a good buy at the mall... but I know of people who virtually get an orgasm when they make a great sale or an ad buy.. they are now conviniently branded as Crackvertisers!

The symptoms are you check traffic stats at least 20 times a day, use Extreme Tracking so you can identify referrals to each page and as they come in. If it's down you go into sweats and can't function... basically on a manic high ... According to Bryan and Jeffrey Eisenberg's Crackvertiser's start innocently enough, harnessing free search result referrals as a moneymaking tool. It's all about traffic. The crackvertiser needs progressively higher traffic volumes to sustain the sales levels. If that traffic level drops, or if conversion rates fluctuate or fall, crackvertisers work themselves into a panic trying to devise ways to bring traffic levels back up. In both cases, a free first taste leads to exhilaration, and then a desire for more. The story for crack addicts is sad, straightforward and severe.

So relax.... go out there and have some fun !

Article courtesy : Future Now

Procrastination and happiness

Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases, and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. If you wait until all the lights are "green" before you leave home, you'll never get started on your trip to the top.

As you begin to take action toward the fulfillment of your goals and dreams, you must realize that not every action will be perfect.

Not every action will produce the desired result. Not every action will work. Making mistakes, getting it almost right, and experimenting to see what happens are all part of the process of eventually getting it right.

If you're a car salesman, and someone says "This is a terrible car, I'm not buying it," it doesn't mean they hate you. They just don't like your product. I think that's a mistake a lot of people make.. they're so tied to their act that they take everything personally.

The really happy people are those who have broken the chains of procrastination, those who find satisfaction in doing the job at hand.

They're full of eagerness, zest and productivity.

The old saying that “success breeds success” has something to it.

It's that feeling of confidence, that can banish negativity and procrastination and get you going the right way...

Jest a while
Sign in a pathology lab.....: It might be piss and shit for you, but it is bread and butter...for us..

Online marketing.. nothing like it !